a lot has been happening lately, but I can hardly recall the details - mostly because I stopped writing things down, stopped pausing long enough for self-reflection.
I’ve noticed my focus time in the office is nowhere near what it is in the Reading Room at Slow Cafe - or in almost any other place. I need long, quiet hours to slip into that “flow” state. sometimes I even skip lunch deliberately, working six to eight hours straight, taking a short pause then diving in again for two or three more.
the mornings are always full of meetings, and I tell myself that’s why I can’t focus. but maybe that’s just an excuse - maybe my attention span has simply grown shorter.
external things keep demanding my attention. sitting alone in a bar with a book - or simply watching people talk and pass by - is a quite kind of bliss. it reminds me of the word “wallflower”, which I encountered in The Perks of Being a Wallflower and again in Romancing Mister Bridgeton (haha). I read The Perks of Being a Wallflower when I was young. back then, I had my share of problem - lonely, withdrawal, awkward, too prod and too closed off to fit in with my university friends. sometimes I still feel a little regret about that but it’s fine. all those years shaped who I am now. The Perks of Being a Wallflower was also the first English book I ever completed - alongside The Art of Racing in the Rain. I think I turned to The Perks because I saw myself in that quite, uncertain boy who eventually found people to call his own. maybe I still carry that same longing - for a place, and a few souls, where I truly belong.
over a lifetime, you’ll meet many friends. if you’re lucky, some will be there from your naive beginnings, walking beside you through every turn, still standing with you as you grow older. I don’t think I have that kind of friend. maybe it’s on me - I never put in the effort to nurture such bond. you have to give time - and care - to build that kind of connection.
mẹ, ho vl, mệt vl. ngồi viết tí rặn từng chữ xong ho phát quên mất đang muốn viết ý gì tiếp theo nữa rồi. đoạn ho này hơi sâu có khi phải đi khám bệnh rồi đoè moè mệt mỏi quá. tất cả là tại trận mưa và quyết định ngok nghek đi lội nước Thảo Điền vừa lạnh vừa mệt.
to be continue in another post because I cannot continue writing for now, there’s a blank slate in my head.
ogm back to Hanoi then I have to find and bring some of my books to Saigon. the one with bicameral mind of Julian Jaynes and the language instinct of Steven Pinker. never be able to complete all those book, just want to have it alongside, don’t know why ha ha.